Alice's Documentary
by HellsTheTwerd
Summary: The Cullens and Jake are snowed in. Alice's is bored out of her head and makes a documentary about thier life. after Breaking Dawn. Rating for future lemon's.
1. Idea

**Disclaimer: Don't own twilight never have never will *tears***

**Hi to anyone who reads this hope you like this inspired by my other story Nessie walks in. So love you just for clicking on the story hope I impress. **

APOV

"Stupid Snow. Stupid Shops. Why? Oh Why do the Shops have to be closed the one day I really want to shop?" I screamed at no-one in particular.

"Well they don't like the cold much let alone near enough 2 and a half feet of snow." Bella Replied from the kitchen.

"Well that's no excuse!" I said back. Bella popped her head out the kitchen and gave me a glare. "What it's true years ago people would of just got on and walked to work." She gave me another glare one of those 'come on' kinda looks which I replied to by sticking my tongue out and gliding up the stairs.

As I was going up stairs Nessie was going down to get the door now 16 and the size 18 year old which for as far as we know she will stay this her and Jake have been dating for around a year which Edward isn't to chuffed about, But who could blame him.

Nessie opened the door to Jake's face, Jake was wearing shorts and that's it just shorts nothing else no shoes no shirt just shorts.

"Hey Jake" Nessie said.

"Hey" he replied giving her a quick peck

"It's ok Edward isn't here he's at the cottage but Bella's in the kitchen." I said still making my way up stairs.

"Why so glum pixie?" Jake had taken to using my nickname instead of Alice.

"Shops are closed." I answered turning around and pouting which earned a giggle from Nessie and a booming laugh from Jake.

I then stormed my way upstairs and into mine and Jazzy's room. Jazz was there lying down on the bed reading one of his books. I went to the closet barley acknowledging him with a wave.

Once in the closet which was a room in its own right it is that huge. I went down to the bit were we keep the random stuff and began to rummage just for something to do.

After a bit of digging I found a video camera and was struck with an idea- an awesome one at that. I turned the camera in my hands it wasn't anything like what a pro would use but it would do for what I wanted.

I switched it on and placed it on the draws in the closet I hit record and began to film.

"This is an Alice production titled A Day in the Life of the Cullen's." I said when jasper walked in behind me.

"What the Hell are you doing?" Jasper asked

"Making a movie. Duh" I said as going to the camera and turning it on jasper. "so what have you been doing?"

"Reading" jasper said waving the book in the air.

"Okay interesting. Well on with the Film." I made my way past Jazz into the hall to see who and what I could get on film.

**Thanks for reading.**

**Any Comments or Any Requests Review or Send me a PM**

**HellsTheTwerd**


	2. Cake Mix

**Disclaimer: Don't own twilight.**

**Glad you've stuck with me this far.**

RNPOV (Nessie)

"Mom?" I shouted to the kitchen.

"Yhea?" my mom replied.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Making a cake for you and Jake."

"Cool. Can I help?"

"Yhea. So can Jake if he wants."

I made my way into the kitchen with Jake in tow. My mom only had the stuff out nothing really done yet.

Mom handed me a bowl with a wooden spoon in. I put it on the counter where I would work.

"So what kind of cake will you lovely girls be making?" Jake asked.

"Well, I was thinking a death by chocolate cake." Mom said

"Yhea sounds yummy." Jake said.

"Okay so Nessie cream the butter and sugar together." Mom said while dumping the butter and sugar in the bowl. Once that was done my mom continued to rattle of instructions. Once the mix was ready we put it in a mould then the oven.

"Who wants the bowl?" my mom said as me and Jake made a dash for the bowl.

"That was hilarious!" Alice said from the door as me and Jake continued fighting over the bowl.

"What are you doing Alice?" my mom asked.

"Making a documentary about our life."

"Okay. Why?"

"Cause I'm bored! So what are you doing?" Alice asked.

"waiting for the cake to cook. While these two fight over the bowl." Mom said

"Yhea I can see that" Alice said.

I saw an opening to get the bowl from Jake and took it; I kicked him lightly in the side and made a dash for the living room.

"Great an action sequence!" Alice Beamed. I was in fits of giggles as I jumped over the couch.

"You'll never take me alive." I screamed to the ceiling with the bowl held over my head. Jake used the couch as a spring bored to jump over me and take the bowl out of my hands. "Hey that's mine I did most of the work." I screamed after Jake.

"You snooze you lose!" Jake shouted as he made his way to the door. I jumped and grabbed the side of the stairs pushed off and flew in to the light which I used like a trapeze. I gathered some momentum then jumped off the light and landed in front of Jake and took the bowl from his hands.

"Why don't you just share?" mom shouted from the kitchen.

"Because it's fun." I said still running upstairs followed by Jake and Alice. I ran down the hall and into Carlisle's study slamming and locking the door in two swift movements.

"I Win! I Win!" I shouted while getting a finger full of the leftover cake mix. "You know this is really great." I said.

"Nessie!" Jake whined. "Please I'll share."

"I know you won't." I said back.

"Please." He whined again. "Pretty please with a mountain lion on top."

"I've never heard that saying before." I said back I'd nearly finished it so I'd go out soon.

I walked over to the desk and set the bowl down and opened the window. I went back to the door and unlocked it then ran back to the open window as the door opened I saw Jake and he saw me I gave him a salute then jumped out the window into the snow. Then I went back to the house as I heard Jake shout "Hey, No Fair!"

**Hope you liked it**

**Any comments or suggestions leave a review or PM**

**HellsTheTwerd**


	3. Nuggets

**Disclaimer: Don't own twilight**

**This chapter is to the people who read the pervious chapters.**

RNPOV (Nessie)

I ran through the waste high snow till I reached the porch steps. I ran up the steps and bumped into Emmett who then picked me up in a fireman's lift.

"Hey!!! Put me down!" I screeched.

"Not until you tell me why you were running." He said

"I was running from Jake."

"Why?"

"Because! Now PUT ME DOWN!!! Or I'll make you!"

"How?"

I swung my leg back then kicked him in the nuggets and took my chance when he doubled over in shock more than pain.

"Hey He has to use those later." Rose screamed followed by Alice and Jake.

"Nice to know Rose." I said.

"What's going on?" Dad said as he walked in from the kitchen. "And why is Emmett in a ball on the floor?"

"Well" I began. "Me, mommy and Jake made a cake, then me and Jake were chasing each other to see who gets to lick out the bowl I won."

"You Cheated!" Jake said.

"Any way I let him have a little bit then I jumped out the window in Carlisle's office ran back in the front door bumped into Emmet, he picked me up and I kicked him and now your caught up."

"Okay, I'm going to go to my room." daddy said. Followed by mommy's…

"I'll come with. Take the cake out in 10 minuets."

EPOV

Bella came running up the stairs after me. Bella then jumped on my back once we were away from the others and stared nibbling on my ear and growling playfully.

"So are you gunna move faster or what?" Bella asked. I stopped just to annoy her, and then she tackled me to the ground.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Because I got bored of waiting now in here." She said pulling me into Carlisle's office. She pushed me forward then locked the door.

"Erm…I don't think Carlisle will be to happy." I said.

"So he and Esme have been 'busy' all morning, I don't think they'll be too bothered plus they've doe it in here before."

Bella made her way past me and sat on the desk with her legs crossed. I moved closer and put my arms around her waist as her arms went around my neck. She pulled me into a deep passionate kiss.

Bella leaned back pulling me on top of her beautiful body. She pushed her body closer to mine causing me to become hard. She realised my neck and her hands went to my shirt to undo the buttons. Once all the buttons on my shirt were undone I started on hers. Under her shirt she had a lacy Red Bra on.

Then we stopped for a breath. Bella's leg then hitched it's self around my waist. We leaned in for another kiss. My hands took them selves to her hips I unbuttoned her jeans as she did the same to mine.

Her panties matched her bra perfectly. Bella flipped us and pulled her jeans off as I did to mine the she removed my boxers to reveal my penis in all it's glory.

"Hello Big boy" Bella said in a husky seductive tone. Bella kissed my Chest then slowly began to kiss down my stomach to 'the promised land' as Bella referred to it once.

Bella flicked the tip with her tongue which caused it to twitch. She then took me in her mouth and began to suck.

My hands knotted in her hair so I could control the pace. Her head bobbed up and down for a good few minuets before we stopped.

Bella kissed my lips. She shimmied her panties down. She straddled my hips and I moaned as I slipped inside her. She began to move up and down and my hands guided her every bounce.

The door burst open mid bounce it was Alice and Emmett came in Alice with a camera.

"Now you can see the two love bird's freeze in their love making. I doubt very much Carlisle will be happy." Alice said

"See!" I said.

"Well you weren't complaining when I was…" I cut her off by placing my hand over her mouth.

"Any way on with the show." Alice said going out of the room followed by Emmett no doubt we will never here the end of this for at least half a century.

Bella and myself then put our cloths back on and headed out with our heads held high to face the onslaught of jokes and taunting.

**Okay first lemon I've written well proper lemon any way was it okay please tell me if it was or wasn't.**

**Comment or request leave a review or PM me**

**HellsTheTwerd**


	4. Story Time

**Disclaimer: Don't own twilight.**

**Hope you like it **

EMPOV

I asked Alice to follow me upstairs because you just knew what they were going to do. Once we made t to the stairs Alice started to giggle I told her to keep quiet and block her thoughts.

She continued to follow me upstairs and we went to Carlisle's study which was occupied by our goodie two shoes brother and our dear little sister Bella. I went to kick the door down when Alice stopped me and handed me the camera.

Alice got a hair pin from her pocket and picked the lock. I then gave her the camera back and pushed the door back. Bella was on top but I would of thought Edward liked the control oh well guess I was wrong.

Our entrance effectively stopped their extra curricular activities. You know sometimes I think their worse than me and rose or better depending on which way you look at it.

We did a little taunting well it was more Alice than me but still. We went down stairs to spread the news of their office adventure.

"Hey you guys guess what we got on film?" I asked.

"I don't know but it better be funny." My Rosie said.

"It sure as hell is!" I was about to launch into story mode till I noticed Nessie and Jake were in the room. "Jake why don't you and Nessie go and check on that thing which is cooking or whatever?"

"Sure, Sure" Jake said and left for the kitchen with a rather peeved Nessie in tow.

"I don't know why their doing this, I've caught my mom and dad doing it before" Nessie whispered to Jake in the other room. (**READ MY STORY NESSIE WALKS IN PLEASE)**

"When?" Jake asked intrigued as were we at this point, Alice and myself were pressed up against the door so we could hear somewhat clearer and the audio would be clearer on the video.

"well it was 6 years back and I'd had my head buried in a book and I'd had my mp3 on and you know how oblivious I get when I'm reading. I'd gotten something to eat from the mini fridge. I'd just turned off my music." Nessie explained "when I passed there room I heard noises like 'oh baby' and some stuff like that. I opened the door and there they were doing it so I yelled 'oh my god' so I ran to my room and locked the door and ignored them for as long as possible then snuck out the window."

"Poor Nessie" Jake said wrapping his arms around her.

"Hey Alice did you get that? Did actually happen btw." Nessie asked from the kitchen.

"You betcha." Alice said back.

"Here come the love birds." Jasper announced like one of those dudes you see on TV or something.

"Yhea Yhea laugh it up at least we know how to have fun." Bella shouted.

"It seems like a lot more than that" Rose said "and a few years back you did it with Nessie in the house. Shame on you" Rose was doing that little finger thing at the end.

"We did no such thing" Edward growled.

"Yes you did I remember it as if it were yesterday" Nessie said "mind you, you did it yesterday as well but I didn't walk in I walked out a very smart move on my part I don't want to be terrified of my parents since I'll probably live with them forever." I swear if Bella could blush I'm sure she would.

"you want to take the cake out of the oven then leave it to cool for awhile?" Bella asked. Nessie nodded and followed after Bella into the kitchen.

"Okay what are you waiting for?" Edward whisper-yelled. Once Bella and Nessie had safely exited the room, though at least Bella could probably hear.

"Till Nessie goes to sleep so I won't get shouted at for swearing" I said in a know-it-all-voice with a smart arse smile on my face.

**Apologies for lack of updates I've been reading more than writing and I'm easily distracted *stare into space* I'm sorry but you might want to thank my friend from school and fanfic salamin.**

**Review please and I will try to update again tonight or tomorrow.**

**HellsTheTwerd**


	5. Why are you so mean?

**Disclaimer: me no own twilight (Great grammar huh?)**

**Love You For Reading if you feel like and even if you don't please Review.**

* * *

JaPOV (Jake)

We got the cake out of the oven and went into the living room.

"So who wants to play would you rather?" rose asked I still didn't  
like her really we weren't calling each other names much more though.

We all answered yes simultaneously apart from Alice. When we questioned  
her as to why she simply said "who else is going to film you all being  
morons?" no one could really disagree

"I'll go first" rose said though demanded might be better "so Edward  
would you rather live without Bella or live without Nessie?"

"Why are you so mean rose" Edward whined "I really don't know who I  
would rather live without but I've lost Bella too many times so I'm  
sorry Nessie but it would have to be you"

"Aww" Alice said from behind the camera.  
"So Emmet a month without rose or a month without then jeep" Edward  
asked

"Without rose" he answered quickly  
"you answered a bit to quick there Em and with the wrong answer" Rose  
all but shouted

"I'm sorry Rosie but I wouldn't be able to drive anywhere without it  
no one let's me drive their cars" Emmet said

"Yhea and with good reason you nearly totalled my baby last time you  
used it" Alice screeched  
"it was the trees fault it shouldn't of been there on the corner" he  
said back.  
"Yhea just where it's been for the past 50 60 years" Alice retorted

"Whatever" Emmet then turned to me "would you rather walk in on Bella  
and Edward or me and rose?"  
"Sick and wrong sick and wrong dude. But if I have to say one it would  
be Bella and Edward" I said.

"Why not me and my rose" Emmet asked  
"because they seem less likely to have a weird fetish or something" I  
answered

"what are you saying we can't be kinky cause let me tell you  
something-" Bella was cut of by Edwards hand over her mouth  
"honey I'm sure Emmet wouldn't mind talking about that but I don't  
think Nessie and Jake would like to hear how you like to-" this time  
Edward was cut of by my hand

"Dude don't want to know" I said "so it's my go now so Nessie credit  
cards or me?" I asked already pretty sure of the answer already.  
"Credit cards" my face dropped immediately "jeez Jake how gullible can  
you get you obviously" I was still in full pout mode so she put her  
arm around me when everyone else started laughing. I looked around for  
a blunt object to throw and found a metal bowl which I threw  
straight at Emmet and rose who were laugh the hardest and hit them  
both in the head Emmet first then rose

"hey that is not nice" Emmet said while I was ducking roses throw  
"damn right it's not nice" rose growled  
"now as much as I like a fight can we please get back to the game"  
Alice said "now Nessie I believe it was your go" Nessie nodded

"mommy me or daddy?" we all stared at Bella who looked like a dear  
caught in the headlights.  
"No middle ground" Nessie shook her head "well I'd have to say... To  
be honest I don't really know but I'm gunna say you"  
"stop lying" Nessie blurted "we all know you'd go completely psycho  
with out him"

"Yhea you would remember the seven months before Alice came and might  
as well kidnapped you for as far as Charlie was concerned" I said  
"don't remind I was all but de- unconscious" Bella said before she said  
dead "ok so now Its my go so rose Nessie or Emmet?" now there is a  
good question cause we all know how much she loves Emmet and how much  
she worships Nessie

"Well to be honest I don't really know but after Emmet saying he would  
rather have the jeep than me I'd keep Nessie." she said while giving  
Emmet the evil eye.

"My god this is boring can't you do something funny or cookie. Would you rather is supposed to be really interesting. So do something cause this movie is going to suck otherwise" Alice said in a bored tone.

"Yhea hey why don't me Nessie and Jake go check on the cake and ice it  
if it's cooled down enough" bells suggested  
"sounds like a plan". I said as I got up and went to the kitchen  
followed by Nessie and bells.

**You'd be amazed at how much my spelling sucks without spell check.**

**Love you all**

**HellsTheTwerd**


	6. Silky

**Disclaimer: don't own twilight *burst into tears***

**I've stayed up most of last night for you guys so hope its good and please review.**

**This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has ever eaten icing straight from the tube. Mmmmmm.**

BPOV

Myself jake and Nessie went into the kitchen after our family game of  
would you rather personal it wasn't that interesting but it was a  
little fun.

I went to the cupboard and got all 7 varieties of icing. They were  
already in tubes for piping.

"First do you. Guys want some regale icing" I asked holding up the  
box after I put the icing tubes on the counter.  
"Ok don't think I'm a dweeb or anything but what's regale icing?"  
Jake asked  
"it's the White icing you get on top of a Christmas cake it's  
quite...something as far as icing is concerned" I explained  
"oh...right that stuff is quiet nice so I vote yes. Nessie?" Jake  
asked which Nessie replied bye nodding.

I ripped open the packet and placed the block on a chopping bored. I  
reached into the cupboard on the small island we have in the middle of  
the kitchen for a rolling pin.

"Now who wants to roll the icing" I said whilst tapping the rolling pin  
in my left hand. Alice was stood in the door way now obviously we are  
the most interesting thing in the house today.  
"I'll do it" Nessie volunteers and reaches out with her little hand  
which I place the rolling pin in. I move so she can get to the  
icing. She got to the icing and started to flatten it out from its  
square shape.

Once it was flatter I started to give her instructions to turn it so it  
was more even. Once she got the right thickness i told her to stop so  
we could put it on the cake. I placed the icing delicately on the cake then trimmed the excess.

"Now we can put the squirt icing on the cake pick your favourite  
colour or flavour" I picked up the blue one Jake went for chocolate  
and Nessie went for butterscotch. We started doing delicate swirls and  
curls well when I say we I mean me and Nessie Jake was all over the  
place. Alice was knelling on the island so she could get a clear shot  
of what we were doing.

"Why don't we bake more mom?" Nessie asked.  
"Cause only you and Jake eat it unless some of the wolves comes round."  
I explained.  
"Yhea so this is kinda fun" Nessie whined giving me a puppy dog face.  
"Here we have Nessie using the puppy pout to convince Bella to bake  
more. But it dose not seem to be working" Alice said going all David Attenborough on us.

"Alice stop annoying them" jasper said from the door way.  
"But its fun" Alice moaned  
"well tough" jasper said whilst pulling her off the island.  
"Stop it jazz" Alice pleaded "I'll make a deal I won't do the narration  
thing if I get to stay  
"okay. But first I just want to do one thing." he says realising  
Alice's waist. I give him a confused look as we all do. He comes  
closer to us and I get more confused by the second till he takes the  
White icing tube.

"Mind if I help" he asks  
"Err...sure" I say

He starts to pipe the icing onto the cake as we her a guy giggle from  
the living room. Jasper as if on cue squirts Jake with the icing.

"What the hell dude?!" Jake screeches kinda high pitched for a guy. I  
start to giggle.  
"Oh you think this is funny" he asks to which I nod "well you should  
find this pretty hilarious" then he squirts my shirt with chocolate  
icing. To which I respond with my own attack of blue icing. Emmett comes barrelling into the room grabbing the pink icing and covering everyone in the pink. We all then transfer our fire to him covering him in many stripes.

Edward and Rose join us next grabbing their own tubes and firing at  
us. We continue to squirt each other in our rainbow of icing for at  
least another 5 or 10 minuet till Esme comes down wearing a silk  
dressing gown.

"what the-" Esme begins but is cut off by Emmet covering her face in  
icing I'm quite surprised as to how much the tubes had in them I was  
sure he would run out first.  
"Emmet! Why did you do that?" Esme asks wiping icing off her face.  
" well you see...I don't really know" he says

"I have a question first Em aren't I supposed to be the youngest? And  
second red silk dressing gown why did you come down in that I mean I  
know you and--" I cut Nessie off by football tackling her to the floor  
and putting my hand across her mouth.

Carlisle walks in looks then dose a double take which is funny indeed.  
He gives us all a what-the-hell head shack and face.

"Well you see jasper started the icing war but Bella bought the icing  
which was bought on the credit card that you got her. So you see it's  
your entire fault really" Emmet says sometimes I forget he has a 4.0 GPA.  
"Emmet" Carlisle stats calmly and coolly  
"clean this up all of you now" Esme says to all of us slight anger in  
her tone. "I'm gunna take a shower" she muttered on her way out as  
Carlisle followed after.

"Ooohhhh" Emmet shouted after them which earned him a slap from Rose.  
Me and Nessie were still on the floor my hand clasped firmly over her  
mouth.

Nessie flicked her tongue out of her mouth sending my hand away from  
her mouth. I may be immune to everything well except fire but I still  
treat it like I would if I were human.

Edward reached down and pulled me onto my feet. He held his other  
hand out for Nessie and she takes it and hoists herself up.

"Well the cake looks...err...edible" Jake comments on our rainbow cake  
I must admit it dose look quite interesting.

"Yhea well should we clean ourselves up first or the kitchen?" Rose  
asks.  
"kitchen" myself and Nessie say.  
"Yhea thanks for volunteering" most of them say before dashing off  
Alice is the only one who stays probably to film our misery. I stretch my  
shield to cover Nessie and Alice and become them to come closer.

Once close enough I whisper "I got a plan"

***Dramatic music* What is Bella going to do? No seriously what is Bella going to do I need a little hand here pm me or review please**

**HellsTheTwerd**


	7. Widshield

**Disclaimer: don't own twilight**

**Sorry for the lack of updates I am very easily distracted so bye lots of screeches from my friend charlotte (salamin).**

**If you review my story I will read one of your stories please review.**

Jpov

We all ditched Bella and Nessie to clean up the sticky gloop mess into  
the kitchen, while the rest of us went and cleaned ourselves up and  
changed. Alice stayed with Bella and Nessie to record their misery.

In mine and Alice's room I was supper careful not to get icing on  
anything cause Alice would rip my arm off and beat me over the head  
with the soggy end sometimes she overreacts a bit too much.

I went into the en suite and began scraping the thick of the icing off  
and dumping it in the toilet we have no use for. I switched the shower  
on and as steam filled the room I striped down and jumped in.

Pulling the icing out of my hair I realised how much of a mess we  
probably made downstairs. I grabbed the shampoo and worked it into my  
blond curls. I rinsed the bubbles out of my hair and repeated the  
process because there was still a little icing wrapped in between the  
strands.

Once my hair was free of the icing and bubbles I garbed a washcloth  
and my Calvin Kline body wash which Alice says complements my honey and  
sand scent nicely.

Rubbing the soap all over I removed the remands of the icing. At least  
having a shower now will save me from having one later unless Alice  
has some plans like last week.

Epov

why can't I 'hear' Nessie and Alice? Hmm Bella must be shielding them  
but why? I mused in the shower to distract myself from Emmet's and  
rose's activities.

A loud clatter came from the other side of the house. Must have been  
Em and rose or Bella cleaning with Nessie, I'm not even going to  
consider Esme and Carlisle.

Empov

There was a loud clatter from downstairs which was slightly  
distracting but not enough to distract from our shower fun and when I  
say fun I mean fun.

We ignored the sound completely and continued our episode of discovery  
channel.

Espov

"they just have to ruin every single moment we get don't they." I said  
stepping away from a pouting Carlisle.  
"Just leave them they are adults after all." Carlisle said whilst  
kissing the back of my neck.  
"Be right back" grabbing my grey fleecy dressing gown I left and headed  
down to the kitchen. Once in the kitchen I noticed it was empty and  
spotless.

There was another clatter this time from the garage I went to  
investigate. Bella and Nessie were removing the Tyres from Emmet's  
jeep, rose's BMW, Edwards vanquish, Jacobs rabbit and jaspers  
motorbike, while Alice was filming the entire thing.

"They left us to do all the cleaning so this is our revenge" Bella  
said moving another tyre to the pile. Leaving them to carry out there  
revenge I made my way to my Carlisle so we could resume our activities  
hopefully without any further interruptions.

Rpov

After me and Emmet finished our shower time we changed into some clean  
cloths. Emmet picked out a simple jeans and t-shirt combo while I  
picked out a red silk shirt with black skinny jeans and heels.

We made our way downstairs to see Edward and jasper sitting on the  
couch watching the music channel. Me and Emmet sat on the love seat and  
snuggled up.

"Jesus get a room would you" Edward said  
"by the way what was that noise the bang it seemed to becoming from  
your room." jasper chirped in.  
"actually for your information we didn't break any thing." Emmet said  
in a kind of proud way.

"We if it weren't you guys and it weren't us then who was it then."  
Edward asked

"hey guys come out back!" Bella yelled from the back yard. We all went  
out to be greeted by beep and Nessie with a pile of tyres which to  
say the least was confusing.

Bella started chucking the tyres in the river in our back yard. We all  
just stood there as the pile became empty. Bella and Nessie started to  
run then jumped over the river and crashed into poor Seth on the other  
side.

"Sorry Seth" they both said in sync. Then Bella shouted "you may want  
to Check the garage" and with that they were off into the woods.

Seth did a three leg doggy paddle across the river to join us. He went  
behind a bush a phased back to human and pulled some shorts on.

He walked over and asked "what was all that about?" we all shrugged and  
went inside to check the garage as Bella said. We walked in and noticed  
all the tyres were gone off everyone's cars apart from theirs and  
Carlisle and Esme's.

We all stood there open mouthed, Seth walked in and started to chuckle  
at how funny it was. He walked over to Edwards vanquish and let out a  
side splitting ear bleeding laugh.

Edward walked over to his car and wailed. The rest of us walked over  
and burst out laughing on the window in White icing was 'no sex for a  
week. B :)'.

To say Edward wasn't happy was a bit of an understatement.

**I hate editing what I do for you guys**

**I love you guys so much that over the half term I will try and get another two chaps up**

**Review and I'll read some of yours**

**HellsTheTwerd**


	8. Just Call Her

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight**

Cpov

Me and Esme decided to give up on our alone time because we would  
always get interrupted. I think it's time for a fifth honeymoon. We were  
both Reading I was Reading a medical journal while Esme was Reading  
some Spanish romance novel the kind you only ready when you don't get  
much.

Seth and Emmet were playing a crime game grand something, jasper was  
Reading a civil war novel tutting at the lack of accuracy, Alice was  
still filming following Edward and Jacob making a hole in the floor.

Edward gave me a glare also having heard my thoughts. Alice moved to  
behind me and Esme and filmed over our shoulder's she gasped "Esme I  
never would have thought you were into kinky Reading" she screeched.  
"You should see my fan fiction account" she said with a smirk.  
"Really describe one" Alice commanded  
"well I don't really feel like retelling any of the lemony stories but  
if you look up the author neverthink121**(a/n one of my friends)** you can see  
some of the stories I like" well hopefully she won't say how we acted  
one out.

"You did what?" Edward asked. Stupid kind reader.  
"You should try it well after Bella lifts the ban. You should clean  
your car" that got him off my back.

We all continued what we were doing before the interruption. The door  
bell rang and Seth went to get the door so as not to freak out whoever  
it is.

"hell...oh" he trailed off.  
"Hhhhhiiiiii iii'mmm seellling ccccooookkkiiieee'sss" said a small  
female voice.  
"Why don't you come in you seem freezing?" Seth said  
"ttthhhaank you" she said stepping in.

The girl was about 16 years old, she had long black hair all the way  
down her back, she was wearing some jeans, a big light blue skiing  
jacket and snow boots to match. Jeans are never a smart choice for  
whether half as bad as this let alone the foot it's melted down to now.

Seth took the girls backpack and jacket and hung them up near the  
door. Alice had made a quick dash up stairs and gotten some blankets  
while Esme went and made some coco for the girl.

He walked her into the living room were we were. She was a little  
shocked at the sheer number of us. Seth lead her to the love seat  
opposite me and Esme. Esme handed her a mug of coco.

"So what's your name?" Seth asked the girl.  
"Alexis. What about you?" she answered after a sip of coco to warm  
herself.  
"Seth. So what kind of books do you like?" she raised her eyebrow at  
his quick fire questions.  
"Fantasy mainly you know vampires and werewolves that type of thing"  
she said something tells me she'd fit right in with us.

"Really do you think they could be real?" Alice chirped in randomly  
still filming.  
"Oh definitely. It would be so cool mind if you're going on books it  
depends on the books your Reading cause every vamp book is different  
but most werewolf books have barley any differences." she shocked all  
of us.

"What would you rather meet a vampire or a werewolf?" Alice asked again.  
"I don't know both. But why are you asking all these questions it's  
kinda odd" she said

"sorry just curious" Alice apologised  
"no it's alright just a bit odd." Alexis said. Seth just kept starring  
at Alexis while she drank her hot chocolate. He was just like a blind  
man staring at the sun for the first time.

"Do you mind if I use your toilet?" Alexis asked.  
"Sure go ahead" Alice said before anyone else. Alexis placed her mug  
down and went up stairs to do what humans do.

"So you've imprinted?" Jacob asks from behind Seth.  
"Yup" Seth said popping the p.  
"can I do your wedding?" Alice bounces.  
"Getting a little ahead there pixie aren't we?" rose chimes.  
"So" Alice said with a shrug. We left that conversation for later.

"My god where's Bella?" Edward whines and turns to Alice for a little  
insight.  
"Can't Edward she's with Nessie remember?" Alice said rolling her eyes  
in annoyance.

"Just call her idiot she dose have a cell phone" Rose as always  
stating the obvious. Edward reaches into his pocket and pulls out his  
phone.

He hose to Bella's number and calls her. He waits for a few minuets for  
someone to pick it up.

"Hello Bella?" Edward says down the phone.  
"Sorry but Bella is unavailable at the moment may I take a message." a  
female voice says  
"what the- Jane why are you answering Bella's phone." Edward said  
shakily.  
"As I said Bella is unavailable at the moment. But Aro would like to  
talk to you." Jane said. We are in real deep trouble now.

"Hello Edward how are you and your lovely family?" Aro said.  
"Fine now why do you have my wife and child?" he snapped.  
"Their just to gifted." Aro said hanging up. Edward threw his phone  
into the floor shattering it before he ran upstairs.

Seth volunteers to house sit so the rest of us could rescue Bella and  
Nessie undoubtedly so he could get to know Alexis more. After a few  
minuets we left on our rescue Mission.

**Thanks for reading now please review**

**HellsTheTwerd**


	9. Werewolf or Shapeshifter

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight  
**

**Don't get used to all these updates but I will try and update more than I have.**

****

Spov  
  
The Cullen and Jake left me at the Cullen's mansion cause I offered to  
house sit but really I just wanted to get to know Alexis better.

"Were did they all go?" Alexis said whilst coming to sit next to me.  
"They just went to check in with some old relatives." she doesn't need  
to know the full story. "so what's your favourite book?" I just really  
wanted to get to know every detail of everything in her life.

"Probably one of the Morganville vampire series and the vamps in them  
seem the most realistic." she is talking about it like a science if only  
she knew. "So what type of things do you like to do?" she asked

"well I quite like to run and swim." she doesn't need to know I do that  
as a wolf yet.  
"Cool cool" we spent the next few minuets in and uncomfortable silence.

"So do you have a girlfriend?" she asked  
"nope. Do you have a boy friend?" I replied  
"not yet" she muttered before returning to the uncomfortable silence.

I put the TV on and flicked through the channels randomly. There was  
very little on, you can have a billon channels and nothing will ever be  
on.

"put 525 on I think wolf man might be on" Alexis suggested.  
"Okay" I said as I typed the number in and sure enough it was on. We  
watched it right to the end till Van Hellsing came on and we decided  
to watch that.

It's nothing to what the packs done. The best bit about watching the  
films was that every time Alexis was scared she would jump into my lap.

"that was cool it was so sad at the end though" Alexis said.  
"Yhea it was" her eyes are so beautiful.  
"I better go home now" she said with a sigh.  
"You don't have to besides there's still a foot of snow outside. I'm  
sure Alice wouldn't mind if you used her room" I really don't want her  
to leave.

She was already picking her stuff up. She looked out the window and  
dropped her backpack on the floor. I walked up behind her and looked  
out the window.

"I guess I'm staying here" she said.  
"So it seems" I said thanking god for the blizzard he just delivered.  
She took her coat off and started searching her pockets. When she came  
up empty she checked her bag and came up with a lg ks360.

She typed a number in and waited for someone to answer.  
"hi mom...I'm at the big house on the hill...Yhea well most of them  
are away...Seth...I think he's a cousin of theirs...they offered to  
let me Stay the night...no mom I'll be fine...my god mom I'm not like  
that...yes...what my friend told me to always be prepared...well it's  
better safe than sorry...I'll see you soon bye." unfortunately I only  
got one side of the convosation.

"My mom is way to over bearing." she said putting her phone in her  
pocket.  
"Yhea my mom is quite relaxed but my sister makes up for it." I said  
with a not so manly giggle.

"So what's your family like?" Alexis asked after making our way back  
to the love seat.  
"Well my sis is way to over protective, my mom is a little relaxed,  
I've got some friends back home who are like brothers." I explained  
"what about your dad? You don't have to answer if it's to personal or  
anything though."  
"He died awhile back" I said with a slight frown at the memory.

Before I knew what was happening I was enveloped in a tight hug by  
Alexis. I knew it was just one of those 'you didn't have to tell me  
but thank you' or an 'I'm so sorry' kinda hug but hey who's complaining.

"you really didn't have to tell me but thank you for telling me." she  
mumbled into me chest.  
"no it's okay besides I fell like I can trust you with every secret  
under the sun." I said before I knew what I was really saying.  
"I feel the same" Alexis said pulling back from the hug but with her  
arms still around my neck.

I took this as an opportunity to kiss her. We started leaning closer  
till our lips met it was pure and utter heaven. We started slow and  
careful till I asked for entrance by running my tongs along her  
bottom lip. She agreed quickly and our tongues battled for dominance.

I ended up pushing her down so I was on top of her. Eventually we pulled  
apart to breath I sat back so she could sit up. She sat up and we  
didn't talk.

I realised I needed to tell her what I was and that what she reads is  
true well part of it anyway, the thing was I had no idea how to break  
it to her. So I decided to just set it out there.

"so...I'm a werewolf" I said looking at her face to gauge her  
reaction. She burst out laughing. "No seriously I'm a werewolf I can  
prove it to you if you like" she was still giggling but gestured for  
me to prove it.

I got up and went behind one of the other love seats and took my jeans  
and t-shirt off. She stopped laughing then Yhea I'm hotter than the  
alpha. I phased and she scrambled over the back of the seat.

"Fuck!" she was still crouched behind the love seat peering over now  
and then. I phased back and put my cloths back on and walked over to  
her. Her gaze was still fixed to were I phased, I held my hand out and  
she took it hesitantly.

I pulled her towards the love seat her eyes still transfixed to the  
spot were I phased. I waited in agonizing silence waiting for her to  
say something anything. I wouldn't even be bothered if she called me  
every name she could think of just as long as she talked.

"Well fuck" she said after a very long silence. "it isn't everyday you  
meet a shape shifter"  
"no I'm a werewolf" I clarified  
"shape shifter"  
"werewolf"  
"your a damn shape shifter"  
"I'm I fucking werewolf"

"no your a shape shifter. Now before you interrupt me do silver bullets  
bother you" I shook my head "do you only change on a full moon now we  
know that's bull cause you just changed then. Can you turn others into  
a werewolf by biting them" she holds a very good argument. I shook my  
head again "well then your a shape shifter now get over it"

"fine! Now do you want to make out?" I just had to try  
"sure!" she didn't waste anytime no sooner were the words out of her  
mouth then her mouth was on mine.

**--------------------------------------------------------------**

Dedicated to everyone with an Itouch

Please review

HellsTheTwerd


	10. Evil Pixie

Disclaimer: don't own twilight blah blah blah

So sorry for the major lack of updates if you want someone to blame, blame my English teacher.

Hope you like :)

---

Epov

Oh sweet baby Jesus why the hell did Bella have to chose today to take  
revenge on us? Well I don't think we really deserved it maybe. She  
could have just trashed our rooms but no she just had to through the  
tyres in the river and then run away and get kidnapped along with our  
daughter by the Volturie. The Volturie for god's sake.

"Jesus Edward take a chill pill Jas is about to rip someone's head  
off." Alice said to low and to fast for the humans surrounding us on  
the plane. We were flying from an airport in another state which we  
had to run too cause our area was practically deserted due to the foot  
or so of snow.

"Not goanna happen" I said back to her. Because it was definitely not  
goanna happen. I mean hello love of my life and daughter have been  
kidnapped by a bunch of crazy cycotic sadistic vampires I do not think  
I can calm down.

*time laps to end of the flight*

The flight was absolute torture I'm glad I could keep calm enough for  
Jas not to rip anyone's head off but Jacob was a little more angry he  
snapped several times at several different people.

Getting off the plane we ran straight into the car park and stole the  
fastest cars we could Alice stole a red porches, I stole a bugatie  
and Carlisle stole even though he was against it stole a Lamborghini.

Jacob road with me since I had the faster car, Rose and Em road with  
Carlisle and Esme whilst jasper road with Alice. We sped down the  
highway to Voltera Volturie central.

*time laps to Voltera*

It was around 3am so we were without risk of exposure to the humans.  
We stopped about a mile outside of Voltera so we could run the rest of  
the way. Jake phased so he could keep up with us easier.

We hoped over the wall and for a reason unbeknown to the rest of us  
including myself the mind reader Alice was still filming that intensely  
annoying documentary of hers.

Jake jumped the wall like a cat would by jumping half way then throwing  
himself over the top. We raced across the roof tops till we came to  
the Volturie castle.

We approached the door and knocked. Okay knocked might be a bit of an  
understatement but still. Jenny the reseponist answered through the  
intercom.

"Hello Volturie castle how we may help you." she said in perfect  
English.  
"open the door jenny" I growled into the speaker.  
"err...me no speak English." she stuttered.  
"Just open the blooming door!!!" I growled slash shouted into the speaker.  
"Err...me no understand" this time I lost it and punched the door in  
and stormed in.

As I passed jenny's desk I hissed at her scaring the shit out of her  
having her effectively fall on her butt. I stormed through the castle  
to the thrown room.

Aro, Caius and Marcus were sitting on their thrones surrounded by their  
guard. Aro had his usual grin plastered on his face while Caius and  
Marcus retained their impassive face.

"Are welcome friends" Aro said in a far too cheerily tone.  
"Cut the crap where is Bella and Renesmee!" Jacob yelled and for once  
we agreed  
"I have no idea what you mean" Aro said in an all to incent voice.  
Jacob had already been close to snapping point and that just happened  
to send him over the edge. He phased into wolf form right in front of  
everyone he started to growl a deep rumbling sound.

Aro wasn't so much scared as shocked. To be fair so were the rest of  
us considering Jacob hadn't attacked yet. Caius was absolutely suiting  
himself because of those werewolf insecurities.

"Now I would suggest that you release Bella and Renesmee because well  
let's just say we will rip your fucking head off!" I growled the last  
part.

Bpov

me and Nessie were playing patty cake in the holding cell we were in.  
We heard a loud crash downstairs.

"Sounds like daddy's here" Renesmee said. All I wonder is how long till  
he gets here.

Spov

me and Alexis were laying on the couch her on top of me. We were still  
fully clothed we didn't you know we only met a few hours ago and spent  
the majority of that time making out.

"That's a beautiful statue quite odd how it's got a glass eye though." Alexis murmured in a dreamy voice.  
"Mmm hmm" I mumbled back looking to the sheep figurines. To Alexis's  
eyes it just seemed like a glass eye but with my supernatural super  
sight I saw all the layers of the lenses.

"I'm goanna kill that pixie" I groaned.

--------------------------

Sorry it took a while but at least you got it right

Reviews are like air

HellsTheTwerd


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